Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Why the Guitar Community sucks.

You can’t say that 99% of people are dumbasses and allow yourself to think that the musician community has to be the God-chosen 1% left. Actually, guitar players are dumbasses too.
The more I read about them, the more I listen to them and the more I read their stupid comments on Youtube, the more I realize guitar players are true assholes.
How can I be certain ? Well, they’ve been giving proof of it for 20 years, you know.

When Van Halen became popular, the guitar community didn’t thought “whoah, the guy’s got great riffs !”, nor “whoah, the guy’s got a great sense of rhythm !”. No, the only thing that they focused on was his right hand on the fretboard and they went “whoah, that tapping stuff looks super-cool !”. Of course, I couldn’t blame all those wankers if they had come up with creative stuff like Joe Satriani’s “Day at the Beach” or Steve Vai’s “Building the Church”. That’s some interesting tapping. But no, all those morons came up with were triads arpeggios, except they were playing them with tapping, just to look cooler. Tapping had become nothing but a gimmick. From now on, tapping is compulsory in a solo.

Then came Yngwie Malmsteen. The guy was playing on shitty gear. First, a Fender strat guitar, which, as you may know, is not really what is recommended to play heavy metal stuff because single coils don’t sound fat enough. Then Marshall amps. Let it be known : Marshall amps sound like shit. If you read all those interviews in your 80’s-90’s guitar magazines, you’ll notice that all the guys are playing on “modified Marshall amps”. For your information, “modified” doesn’t mean that the volume pot has been customized in order to be able to go up to 11. It means that the amp doesn’t sound like a Marshall any longer, and the main reason for this customization is that Marshall amps sound like shit. Period. Look at the guitar players whose tones have been revered for decades : they just don’t play on Marshall amps and now you know why.
Ok, so comes this guy from Sweden, Yngwie, and he’s playing on shitty Marshall amps, with shitty single coils, and he sounds like a FUCKING JUGGERNAUT and guess what ? No one notices. No one notices the tone, the phrasing, the articulation. Once again, the guitar community will focus on the most irrelevant parts of Yngwie’s playing, the speed and the harmonic minor mode, and turn them into gimmicks. From now on, everybody will try to play as fast as possible.

Then comes Steve Vai and guitarists discover how to abuse the lydian mode and the whammy bar. This time, too, abuse of the whammy bar will become a gimmick and there you have it : 2 decades of shitty music. From now on, you can forget the Les Paul, the only thing you need is a good vomit-like painted Ibanez guitar with a fucking whammy bar. And 7 strings.

Sweeping has also been turned into a gimmick. Who uses sweeping correctly these days ? Frank Gambale, that’s all. 95% of the swept arpeggios you can hear on records are basic one-note-per-string-arpeggios, based on canonic positions. There is nothing creative in there, people do sweeping for the sake of it because, you know, “you have to be able to do it, and show it”.

And today you have a band like Dream Theater. Do you think guitar players gave a thought about Dream Theater’s use of weird time signatures ? Do you think when their album “Awake” was released the guys listened to the intro of “Scarred” and thought “hey, that’s tasteful” ? No, they went straight to “Erotomania” and practiced the string-skipping solo with strict alternate picking. That’s all the guitar morons learnt from Dream Theater : “I must improve my alternate picking !”. From now on, strict alternate picking is compulsory when not sweeping.

The result of all that mess is that most of guitar players picked the wrong things to learn from great guitar players and ended up playing fast boogies with a shitty tone (but in strict alternate picking !).

Dave Mustaine doesn’t have a whammy bar on his guitar, he didn’t go to Berklee and he OWNS you all. Because someone like Dave Mustaine didn’t fall for all those gimmicks. He doesn’t play shitty boogies to display his guitar prowesses in swept-and-tapped arpeggios and he doesn’t try to play faster than the next guy. He plays heavy metal songs.

Someone like Dave Mustaine probably belongs to the 1%. Do you ?


Blogger Kantyenamaryadjonimar said...

Well, Mustaine is a Jeff Beck-spirited, independent-minded kind of guy (remember 'I ain't superstitious'?): no rules! Whatever he pleases, how he pleases, whenever he pleases. That's the core of it all: fun and thrill. Concerning all of those speed and technics addicts, well, they just seem like geeks to me anyway. They could just as well be talking about World Of Warcraft evil elves slaying techniques, we don't give a flying f**k. John Maher rules. Forever and ever.

12:19 PM  

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