Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The truth about "Joe Satriani"...

Well, I think that one of my duties as a teacher is to tell the truth to my pupils. You know, like not saying to someone that he plays great when in fact he doesn't. Teachers should tell the truth.
Today I'd like to share a sad truth.

You know that bald guy with sunglasses that makes gigs around the world and plays Joe Satriani stuff ? Yeah, that one guy you go to see in concert with "Joe Satriani" written on the ticket. Well, sit down son, because.. you see... that guy is NOT Joe Satriani.

Yeah, I know, I know, he plays the same stuff and he plays on the same guitars. Big deal. I buy that very same guitar tomorrow and you'll start calling me "Joe", ain't you ? That's not so easy.

I don't want to say things like "Joe Satriani is dead so his producer uses a double", or things like that, we've already heard it with Paul mc Cartney's supposed death. Maybe Joe is not dead, maybe he has just retired somewhere and lives happily with his family, I don't know.
What I DO know is that this guy IS NOT Joe Satriani. You want proofs ?

Evidence#1 : pictures

The guy on the left has made tons of magazines' covers and books, and videos and gigs and he NEVER EVER wore sunglasses. And he had hairs. The guy on the right, well, he looks more like a bank robber than like a guitar player, doesn't he ? Actually that guy on the right always wear sunglasses because... He's got brown eyes. Joe's are blue.

Evidence#2 : pictures again

Image Google "Joe Satriani" and what do you find ? Millions of pictures of the right guy, and some pictures of the left guy. Well, it's pretty normal since the right guy is Joe Satriani and he's famous. Except the REAL Joe Satriani was already famous since 1986 and the fake is around since 1996. Ten years of fame each, and such a huge difference in the media exposition ? Isn't that weird ?... As a matter of fact, the new Joe Satriani is touring non-stop since 1996 with the G3, as if someone wanted people to see him, to know he's real. Think about it, something smells fishy.

Evidence#3 : the music

That's probably the most obvious element. Listen to "Crystal Planet", what do we get throughout the album ? Great riffs, and nothing after that. That's the way the new Joe Satriani composes : great riffs, poor songs. You won't make me believe that this is the same guy who wrote "The Mystical Potatoe Head Groove Thing", "Surfing With The Alien" and such. Same goes for the "Supernatural" album and his live performances with the G3. I've seen the REAL Joe in february 1993, during the Extremist tour and there is NO WAY one can mistake the two. The fake lacks consistency. He's a good guitar player, no doubt, but he's NOT Joe Satriani. Get over it.


Blogger RED_PEN said...

Maybe Joe satriani is self-conscious and cannot bear people seeing him on stage. Hence, he and his counter-dude come up with a plan that he makes the records and the fake guy performs on stage.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Luke Heironimus said...

Your nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:26 AM  
Blogger Meat Spigot said...

He's the Dread Pirate Roberts of the guitar!

7:52 AM  
Blogger dlchambers said...

Same way that the guy who plays guitar for Van Halen is NOT Eddie Van Halen. Used to write great songs and play innovative solos, now it's all just guitar tricks.

1:55 PM  

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