Sunday, May 16, 2010

The only thing you should learn from this website.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is Mr. Chris Broderick. Yes, I'm a big Marty Friedman fan, but NO, I won't talk shit about Mr. Broderick, because I've seen him play some jazzy stuff and I liked it.

Nevertheless, I'd like you to watch the following video :

Now here is my piece of advice, and if you must learn only one thing from this website, it should be the following statement :

Any solo that doesn't feature a single bend is A PIECE OF SHIT !

Monday, April 26, 2010

What people don't tell you about scalloped fretboards.

There is a Japanese pharmacist out there who's the best Yngwie imitator, he plays everything note for note, you have to check him out, he's amazing.

Watching him made me want to play on a scalloped fretboard, and I started looking for one, then found a very nice Carvin guitar with a scalloped fretboard on eBay. Lucky !

You've all heard Yngwie and others say "it's harder to play fast on a scalloped fretboard but you get a better grip for the bends". I've always suspected that was bullshit and they were sayng it to show off, like "Man, I play so fucking fast, I need to handicap myself or else my fingers will burn".

Now that I have tested my guitar, I can tell you what a scalloped fretboard truly is :

- it's not harder to play fast. BULL.SHIT. Maybe if you're Rusty Cooley it makes a difference, not if you're a normal fast player.
- it IS harder to do slides.
- it makes pull-off so easy you'll just cry over all those years you've wasted on a normal fretboard.
- chords are easier to do because your fingers have more grip on the strings.
- pieces for finger picking become 10 times easier (like The Portrait, Dee, etc.).
- sweep picking feels easier too, though at first your fingers might occasionally slip under the strings.
- you WON'T press so hard as your chords will sound sharp. This is a common fear among players who haven't tested a scalloped fretboard yet, like "there is a risk to press too hard and make everything sound sharp". BULL.SHIT. It doesn't happen with chords, nor single notes, everything just play like a normal fretboard, intonation-wise.

Now you know what a scalloped fretboard is about.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Guitarists I won't ever talk shit about : Marty Friedman

Why will I never talk shit about Marty ? Because Marty is awesome, and if you've been joining the spineless crowd that calls him a weaboo because he's been living in Japan, congratulations, you've made it into my "class A assholes" book.

To my great despair, Marty Friedman is still very underrated as a guitar soloist (regular absent of "best guitar soloist of the year" polls), and I RAAAAAGE every time I stumble upon some video of him and Paul Gilbert, and guys in the comments think that Paul is a better soloist than Marty.

Protip : Paul is a great and reliable guitar player, but a horrible soloist, and I can sense from miles away guitar players that have been influenced by Paul as a soloist (especially in Japan) : they suck. Even Paul himself said so (he actually said that students influenced by him sounded shitty, whereas students influenced by The Beatles sounded great). If you want to know, I think he's actually more of a Jimmy Page-like player, coming up with great riffs and all.
Yes, copypasta of your drills into a song and calling it a solo makes you a horrible soloist : Paul is a scales&patterns kind of soloist, wich is the shittiest way of soloing ever. Watch that "terrifying difficulties" video above, find some melodic phrasing in his soloing and prove me wrong.
Plus Marty has a much MUCH better tone.

Things that objectively makes Marty a great guitar player and soloist :
- fucking awesome tone.
- fucking awesome tightness in the rhythm.
- fucking awesome left hand technique (vibrato, bends, etc.).
- his soli are always about melody and phrasing, not about ripping some mechanical patterns he's been rehearsing for hours.

Things that fit my personal tastes in Marty's playing :
- great use of tensions and fucked up notes nobody is expecting, plus awesome resolutions (Marty's solo starts at 3'43").
- original soloing for every song. I mean no disrespect for people like Steve Morse or Yngwie Malmsteen, for instance, but seriously : you've heard one of their soli, you've heard them all. These guys, as good as they are, they're overusing their gimmicks, it's to the point where I could pick up 3/4 of their soli by ear just by linking gimmicks.
There is no such thing as gimmicks in Marty's playing and I find that absolutely stunning. Joe Satriani and Steve Vai also have gimmicks, but not Marty.
Of course he's using gimmicks of structures (like, repetition), but nothing such as licks.

And no, I won't even say shit about his WTF?!-way of holding his pick...

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Guitarists I won't ever talk shit about : Nuno Bettencourt

Why will I never talk shit about Nuno ? Well, first of all, because the guy is fucking handsome, and if you say shit about handsome guys, people will assume you're jealous and then your argument is invalid, whatever it is.
Not only is Nuno so hot your girlfriend would instantly drop you for a date with him, the guy is also endowed like a donkey, as we'll soon demonstrate.

You see, when asked about the transcription of his "Flight of the Wounded Bumblebee" in a magazine, Nuno said : "I've seen the transcription. It was really note-for-note, but I don't actually play all those notes, I'm using a delay, so I'm only playing one note out of two."

What kind of enormous shlong must you have, in the nineties, when every guitarist tries to become the next Yngwie Malmsteen and play faster than the next guy, to tackle the magazine who transcribed your song and bluntly say to guitar professionnals that you ACTUALLY PLAY TWICE SLOWER THAN THEY THOUGHT YOU DID ?!!!
Hey, DragonFraud fanboys, are you getting the hint or what ?

Speaking of which, I kind of remember that DragonFraud uses the most shameless excuse for not being able to play their own songs live : they're drunk.
That's too bad, because I have yet to see a guitar video where Nuno is not stoned like he's jet-lagged from another planet, and the guy STILL is able to nail his solo, and he even says he's sorry for "fucking it up". When asked to play it again slower, because as high as he is, he can STILL play it at full speed, he plays it... at nearly the same speed ! Is that guy dense or what ?!

No, he's not ! He's NUNO BETTENCOURT ! Nuno doesn't know what time is because he IS time ! The guy's so tight on ryhthm that the UTC would probably be 10% more accurate if it was based on Nuno's playing.

And when asked to design his own model of guitar, what kind of shit does he come up with ?
One of the best rock guitars ever made, no less !
Everyone who has already played on a N4 knows it's the real deal. The sound is just great, the design is practical and that Stephen's extended cutaway is just awesome.

Did I mention that Nuno was also proficient on many other instruments, like the drums ? Does he brag about it ? No, he doesn't. The reason people started to know that Nuno can play the drums is because Joe Satriani talked about it : you see, they all were at Sevilla in 1992 for a big guitar event, like some kind of penis competition, and when there were only guitar players on the stage for the rehearsal, people went like "Err...guys, we don't have a drummer". That's when Nuno put his guitar down and went behind the drums to help everyone because, you see, he didn't mind.
And other guitarists were just blown away.
How cool is that, huh ?!

But you know what ? Though those are
good enough reasons to praise Nuno, I haven't tell you yet why I respect him : the guy spends 99,9% of his talent in writing songs.
Though his shredding abilities can piss off even Mr Scary, who once called him a "fiery little fucker", Nuno doesn't shred that much. Being the Mandingo of the guitar world, he doesn't need to compensate for anything dick-related and thus doesn't try to impress other guys with endless fretboard masturbation.
He writes songs because songs are for cool guys, and are actually more difficult to write than some 3-chords-BGM you'll solo over for 5 minutes.

Did I mention the guy was fucking handsome ?

Friday, June 26, 2009

Guitarists I won't ever talk shit about : Zakk Wylde

Since I've been dissing and ranting for a long time, I thought it may be cool to explicit that there are still some players that deserve some praise.

Why will I never talk shit about Zakk Wylde ? Well, first of all, because the guy looks like a fucking Viking, and if I were to badmouth him, I probably wouldn't live long enough to brag about it to my friends.

To be perfectly honest, I know nearly nothing of his work with Ozzy Osbourne, and I didn't like the few songs I heard from Black Label Society.
The only thing I really know of Zakk is his "Book of Shadows" album.

Book of Shadows is probably one of the best guitar albums ever recorded. EVER. Not only is that album perfect in every aspect of Zakk Wylde's talent, from songwriting to performance – not only on the guitar or any instrument the guy could lay his hands on, but also as lead vocalist –, the album is also perfectly crafted.

Do you think Zakk would let anyone mess with all those tracks he recorded himself (since he plays nearly every instrument on the record) ? You bet he wouldn't ! So he had the legendary Bob Clearmountain mix all those tracks and there you have it : the album just sounds perfect.
I swear if you're one of those guys who don't mind listening to that album as ripped 128kbps .mp3, I curse you to play on Chinese-made shitty guitars for your whole life, since you don't deserve any better.
The cover, the booklet, the art direction, everything contributes to making that album a jewel.

No one could ever listen to that album and not think highly of Zakk Wylde.
And I'm not even talking about his stage presence nor his hardcore interviews...

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

You're doing it wrong !

Yeah, I know, I've already written something about that video.

But this time I'm not going to laugh only at his face, but also at his playing.

Adam Fulara, you're doing it wrong.

The instrument you want to play is not the guitar, it's called a piano. Save some bucks and go buy one.

What's that you say ? He's playing it on a guitar on purpose ?

Well, you see, I think it would take him much less time to learn the piano than to learn to play that stuff on a guitar. I mean, do you think he would make that face if he was playing that on the piano ? Certainly not.

If you're playing a double-necked guitar with both of your hands on the fretboards, you've been mistaken : the instrument you want to play is not the guitar, it's called a FUCKIN' piano !
So stop making a fool of yourself and play the adequate instrument.

What's that you say ? Stanley Jordan must be mistaken too, then ?

Have you ever seen Stanley Jordan with that face ?

Thought not.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Rhythm skills+ good looks ? AWESOME !

Those girls probably won't buy the Introspection tabs, but it's OK, they deliver anyway !